I'm going to talk (type?) about something very personal but I felt like I needed to share it so when I'm having a hard time I can remember the victories. 

Lets talk about post baby weight. EEEK! Yea its scary!

I have always had a magical number in my head that when I hit that goal weight the heavens will open up and sing me a nice hallelujah jig. Maybe throw in a few leprechauns dancing around me and a nice rainbow across the sky. 

Well today I hit that goal but there was no rays of sunshine pouring down on me. My only thoughts were cool. Ok. 

Not at all what I was expecting. I wasn't expecting it because a number doesn't mean anything. I always thought (my 50 pound heavier self) that when I would hit that number I would be happy with my body, finally, and that I would be looking super hot. 

What I realized today is that the number doesn't matter. Being at the magical goal weight number didn't make me instantly feel better about myself because I've been feeling comfortable in my own skin for a little while now. With weight loss and getting in shape, it isn't one magical moment but a combination of small victories along the way that have made me happy with my physical appearance.

One small victory a few months ago was finding a t-shirt that fit good and I was comfortable in it. When I was in middle school I developed in the chest region and was embarrassed. I wore baggy shirts, sweatshirts, and jackets every day to school, even in warm weather I was trying to cover up. I have never felt comfortable wearing a semi fitted t-shirt. Ever. 

Until recently. We went to target to find me a few light weight shirts with the weather warming up. I tried on a few shirts and with every single one of them I felt comfortable. It was amazing. I immediately sent Cody a picture exclaiming that I had found a few. He has always given me a hard time about me not wearing just a plain shirt because I always have a sweater or something over it. 

Small victories. They are awesome.

Doing things to make me feel good and make my body feel good are small victories. Getting in a hard run or only eating a small helping of ice cream instead of taking the entire carton to the couch make me feel good. And when I feel good physically I've noticed that I am more confident and nothing can beat that feeling. Nothing can beat feeling comfortable in the skin you've been trying to cover up for years.

So I guess what I am trying to say is this: the numbers don't matter (although they are nice to see), doing small things to make you feel good about you is amazing. I've been afraid for so long about how I look to others and how big I think I am that I let it hold me back. I've let it hold me back from being me because I'm afraid of being the girl with only a pretty face. Awkward, I know. 

Don't say tomorrow you'll change. Do it now. Make decisions that will help you feel better today and go to bed happy instead of saying you'll just start tomorrow. Take pictures of who you are today even if you are embarrassed, don't miss those opportunities because you aren't your ideal you. I was afraid to get a back pack to carry my kids in because I was embarrassed that I would bulge over in the midsection.

A little bit every day makes a big difference. There is not one magical big explosion of confetti or a ball dropping. Little changes make the difference. It will take time but it is so worth it to be a happy you. I'm not saying you have to loose a lot of weight to be happy but just do things that make you feel good physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

We've caught a nasty bug in our house, mostly the girls but I've caught the cold part of it. Poor Cody has cleaned up throw up three times this past week. He also threw out his back this weekend and has been extremely sore all week. And because its been a fun week we have dealt with a lot of dumb people. Our washer isn't draining right and we've had three different people from the same company come on three different days and try the exact same thing because they didn't talk to each other and kept sending people out. One guy suggested we open the sewage valve in our basement. That's about the time Cody asked him to leave and told him we'd be finding a different solution than their company. And on Wednesday I lost my wallet. I don't know if someone has it or if my mischevious two year old hid it somewhere.  

So to help us get through today we have taken full advantage of our library and rented a few new movies and are going to hope this bug goes by fast. And that this weekend does as well so we can start fresh with a new week. 

And here's a photo dump of a few happy things in the last few weeks to put us in a better mood. 

Cody working from home on Monday after getting his back adjusted. Ellie didn't mind him home at all! 

These girls LOVE Cheetos. And Kate loves dumping everything out of containers, not a good combination for our carpet. 

Ellie has started letting me curl her hair but she had to do my hair in return. Bargaining with a two year old is dangerous. 

Kate knows ice cream. She is definitely my child and screams when it's gone. 

Helping set the table. I love this age! 

Another running post... surprise, surprise! I ran my first 10K (6.2 mile) race in February as a way to help keep me motivated and running for my half marathon. I have since decided that I really love racing that distance. The day before the run it snowed at least a foot and a half and the forecast showed winds of at least 15 mph. I didn't want to do it and called my sister to ask if I should. She gave me the best advice and told me exactly what I wanted to hear. I told her all my reasons of why I didn't want to- I could fall on the ice, it was cold and windy, what if I came in last. She told me "If you don't have a good enough excuse NOT to, why not?!" So I did it. 

I ran it and didn't finish last. I finished in 1 hour, 3 minutes, and 27 seconds. Yes, the seconds count. After I signed up for my second half marathon I immediately knew that I wanted to do another 10K during training to help get me used to running faster for a long period of time.

I did my second 10K a week and a half ago. And it went better than I could have imagined. Of course I wanted to be faster than my previous one and my only goal was to do it faster. After I hit the mile mark I realized I was going a lot faster than I had anticipated and that running 6.2 miles under an hour was possible! I felt good and was happy running, even if there was a little bit of wind. The forecast said it was supposed to rain and be nasty cold with clouds but it wasn't.

Running is very much an individual sport. But at times it gets competitive. I had a few girls ahead of me from the start and I told myself I just have to keep them in view and I can hit my goal. There was a guy that passed me pretty quickly but wasn't ahead of me for very long because I passed him and told myself that I was not allowed under any circumstances to let him pass. And I didn't. The girls that were in front of me looked like serious runners and had fancy watches to tell them their pace and time (I may just be envious that I'm still using my phone) but I passed them with a mile left to go and was smiling from ear to ear! 

Training pays off and its so nice to actually see it in races! Towards the end of my longer runs on Saturdays I have been trying to run a good sized hill to get my legs used to keeping pace when they are tired. It definitely helped, half a mile from the finish was a smaller hill and I was able to pass another lady, serious runner looking to. Small victories are amazing while running.

But the best victory was at the end when I saw Cody and the girls sitting safely (and warm) in the car right before the finish line smiling and waving at me. I crossed the finish line and couldn't believe I had finished not only under one hour but at 55:47!!!! Lets just say that will be a tough record to beat! 

I usually run comfortably at around 10 minute 15 second paced miles. My average pace for this race was under 9 minute miles... for six miles straight! It was crazy.

Anyways.... I ran a race, a dam race and finished it to set a new personal record. WahoO! 

Stories of motherhood from my phone

Drinking moms water is always so much more appealing. 

They like to exercise to. Daily.

Cheetos and chocolate milk make for an awful combination for afternoon snacks. But sometimes mixing two fun things is necessary. 

Elementary school carnivals are fun even for 2 1/2 year olds. Bounce house, pony ride, games, balloons and popcorn! We had a pretty happy girl, it also helped that she got to do all that with her cousins! 

Mobile baby means mess making baby. 

Chubby baby legs melt this mamas heart! 

Always checking on the chicks! The only reason we agree to even go near this store with Cody. 

Sharing Cheetos with her sister, so nice. (For once!) 

Always drawing! (Or pretending) We all had our hands and feet traced last night. Never again will I let a pen go between my toes, they are way too ticklish we found out. 

Sunny days mean park days. We need more of them, we've been spending a little bit of time indoors and I think it's starting to show. 

And a funny story to end with. These pink shorts Ellie is wearing at the park are a size too large. Rolling them up held them for the first little while. While at story time they kept falling down, at one point all the way to her ankles. The librarian was standing near by and laughed and told her that she lost her britches. Ellie responded by giving her a nice stink eye. But this girl is stubborn in what she wants to wear and had to wear them. They have since been hidden until she has gained a few pounds in the belly region. 

It's Mother's Day today. I don't want to seem ungrateful if I don't post about how amazing my mother, grandmothers, sisters, and all the other mothers that have influenced my life because I am very grateful for their example and all that they have taught me about motherhood. 

But my heart is heavy today as well because I have been thinking a lot about all the women who so desperately long to be mothers but are not able to be blessed with that opportunity yet. Or the women in my life who no longer have their children with them on this earth but in heaven. So far for me getting pregnant and carrying my own child has not been a challenge. If I want a baby, I don't have to struggle and try for very long to be bless with one. I know a few women who have suffered many miscarriages or have spent many months or years trying and not able to hold a baby in their arms. I think of them today and I know that sometimes they might hate me because it seems to come easy for me. I'm grateful for that but I am also blessed to have such women in my life. They are so strong and remind me everyday to be grateful for these two. 

My two girls will one day be mothers to their own children, at least I hope I do a good enough job that they'd want to be a mother and not just think motherhood turned me crazy. Somedays it just might seem like that but I was crazy and weird to begin with... But I want them to know that I tried as a mother. I tried tomake things   easier for them and teach them what they need to know. I tried and took the time to spend with them individually to let them know that I love them and always will. I want them to think back on their childhood and know that there mother was there no matter what. That I loved them unconditionally. That they could trust me and count on me and love me right back. 

So to all you mothers, daughters, grandmothers, soon to be or hopeful mothers, beautiful women... Know that today I am thinking of you. Know that you have influenced the lives of not only me but of my girls and are helping guide them through your example of what an exemplary woman should be. Today isn't just about women who have children but about all women who impact the lives of the impressionable young children for the better. 

I like to hike. Cody on the other hand... Lets just say he is going to be getting very used to it by the time next winter rolls around. We've decided we want to be more adventurous and outdoorsy people. The fact that we live in the country and next to mountains should help us in this new endevour of ours. 

We've been talking about getting hiking packs for the girls to be carried in for a while and decided to finally get some. We were a little nervous because the last time (and first time) Ellie was ever in one was over Labor Day and she screamed in Cody's ear for a good 20 minutes straight.

We must have been a funny sight to see at sportsmans when we went to go look at them. At one point we had both girls in different packs on the floor and on our backs with the packs all across the walk way. Ellie kept screaming that she didnt want to be on moms back, she wanted dad to carry her. And then she would change her mind again. We love the two year old indecisive stage. Or not.

We got the packs, ate a quick dinner, picked up my mother in law and headed up to the bottom of the mountain. We didn't exactly factor in the wind as an issue because it wasn't blowing at our house but it definitely was when we got u there. We took a short four wheeler ride through the farm land to get to the base of the trail. 

The trail was surrounded on both sides by sage brush and the most beautiful yellow ad purple wild flowers. The girls loved it, so did tony. Kate had her eyes on him the entire time and would wave whenever he turned in her direction. She sang while Ellie kept telling puppy to keep up. 

We got to a meadow where we decided would be our turning around point. Ellie loved running free and sitting in the tall grass. There was hardly any wind and it was the perfect temperature. Next time we go we will plan for more time to explore and enjoy the stream next to the meadow. We didn't want to cut it too close to sun down. 

I'm so excited for this summer. In this area of farmers it seems rare that men have a day off. I love that Cody is able to spend Saturdays with us and have time to do fun things, like hiking, as a family! 

We started off our Easter weekend on Saturday with a ward Easter breakfast and egg hunt. Each child was able to collect 6 eggs but when all the eggs were found Ellie was disappointed with the color of eggs she had. She threw a fit until I showed her that there was chocolate inside and then we didn't hear another complaint! 

Saturday afternoon was supposed to be Cody's grandmother's 90th birthday party. She took a fall a few days before and wasn't able to attend because she was in the hospital being monitored. So instead of a birthday party we still had a party with Cody's extended family on his mother's side, lunch and an egg hunt included.

After the extended family all left, it was just Cody's siblings and their kids. We love Cody's family, especially Ellie, she loves having so many cousins to play with!  My father in law recently built a shop/garage and the kids loved it. It echoed and there was a lot of screaming involved. I think from now on the bikes will be taken outside and the door locked though. Ellie didn't know what to do with herself when we got home that night, our house was too quiet.

Easter was great this year. We had a quiet morning and it was perfect. Ellie was so excited to have a new flower skirt to wear and we waited until after church to do the Easter baskets and hidden eggs. At church I teach the 12-13 year old girls but not on that Sunday, it was a special Sunday. We had another lady come and teach all the young women and we had a condensed traditional passover. Cody and I got to read the scripts and explain what everything was and what it represented. It was a perfect beginning to the holiday because we were reminded of what we were truelove celebrating. 

We waited until after church to give the girls their baskets and hide the eggs. I'm so glad we kept things simple and didn't go over board because the girls really only cared about the actual baskets. Ellie liked her pony so much that she took Kate's pony as well. Kate sat and shook her basket for a good fifteen minutes while Ellie found all the eggs. 

The best part of the entire day had to be when Ellie discovered that there was chocolate in some of the eggs! Her face lit up and she ripped that first wrapper off faster than I've ever seen her move. We finished the day with a ham dinner with Cody's parents and ate a lot more chocolate and sugar than we will ever need in a lifetime.

I love that Kate looks a lot like Cody, especially that she has his eyes. These girls have such a special bond with Cody. They get so excited when he comes home and cries whenever he leaves. He takes time to let them each know individually that their father loves them and shows them constantly that he will always be there for them. A mother couldn't ask for any better for her girls.