I don't like being wrong. I would rather live by telling myself it's not true than to admit defeat. This week has been extremely tough for me because I've had to admit I was wrong and defeated twice. It is not fun by any means.

I like being a mom and the more Ellie grows the more I just want to spend all day consumed in her every move. Creepy? Maybe a little but she is learning so many new things at such a rapid pace that I feel like if I do too much while she's awake I will miss these new discoveries of hers.

I am a planner and I like to make lists and calendars of exactly how I think things should go. The past couple of weeks have been really trying and my lists and plans have literally been shredded. Fall means Cody is gone more often and that it is colder at night and in the mornings. Ellenor started not sleeping well at night which meant no morning runs when you only got a few hours of sleep. Those days I would say no big deal, I'll run at night just happened to be the days Cody called to say he was going to be late. Now I'm not trying to complain by any means, it's just how things have played out and we are rolling with the punches.

Without proper training (running everyday) that means the half marathon in two weeks is out. I had been struggling for days trying to decide to push myself in two and a half weeks or to just not do it. I realize now that there are plenty other races to do and I have plenty of time to train for one. Realizing that this one race wasn't going to be my first was difficult. I had been planning this, training for it (well at least until two weeks ago I was really training), and I had told a lot of people who were constantly asking how I was progressing. Between juggling everything that is going on right now running just isn't able to be as big of a part of my life as I had planned. 

The second defeat is school. This semester I am only take 4 classes but they are harder for me. I have one easy class that ends half way through the semester and the harder ones are economics, U.S. history, and the impossible class- U.S. government. It is only difficult because of how much it requires you to do. Every few weeks you have to read at least four chapters, write a ten page essay, write 25 separate paragraphs on terms (must include the definition, importance to society, and a few other questions), and five one page essays. Each couple of weeks! Its absurd!!!

I am able to keep up with the work load for my other three classes but not this one. I hate the feeling of being compared to others. Having a newborn and doing school was a lot easier. I know there are a lot of people that are able to go to school while they have a baby. I don't have the luxury of leaving my child with someone while I attend classes every single day for hours on end. Those who do are very lucky. I just hate the feeling of being looked down upon because I am not going to school full time. 

The purpose of this rant is to admit to myself mostly that it is O.K. to admit that I can't do everything that I thought I could this fall. Life throws you curves and its about moving right along with them and not getting hit in the head in the process. I am excited but also sad that I have to admit that I can't take as many credits and classes as I did last winter. I'm sad that I have to keep reminding myself that there are always races in the spring and next summer.

But I am excited to not be as overwhelmed anymore and just be able to enjoy everything that is going on right now. I can go out and take pictures of my daughter on our lawn and not feel guilty because I am overloaded with school work. I can enjoy attending mutual with the young women and book club without feeling guilty about not being cooped up inside constantly reading textbooks. I can look forward to weekends know that if we leave I don't have to stay home or lug heavy books around because I can manage to get them done during the week. 

I am excited to admit I have defeated myself but I am moving forward with a better understanding of what I am capable of.

I promise I love Ellenor and do not neglect her. She is now 9 1/2 months and instead of posting how much she weighs (don't worry she is still little compared to other kids her age) I wanted to remember some of the funny things about her at this age. Here is just a few:

Crawls under and through all of the chairs under the table. Of course whining as she goes because she is constantly hitting her head.

Fake cough when we put her down for a nap/sleep.

Fake whine. Its going to be a fun habit to break.

Sassy, sassy, sassy.

LOVES the bathroom. Maybe because it’s the only room with hardwood floors?

If she wants something she pulls up on your legs and stands holding both of them while looking straight up at you and giving you her best fake whine. (It almost sounds like a cackle!)

Cheese, cheerios, pretzels, and top ramen are what she would live on if I let her.

Smacks her lips if you have food that she wants.

When we tell her no her usual response is to give us a good AHH! And then proceeded to say “nah nah nah nah.”

Cries every time Cody leaves, even if he just shuts the bathroom door.

Loves being lazy in the morning.

Eats any pen she can get her hands on.

Make that anything that she can put in her mouth she will.

Loves to eat leaves off of the tree in the living room.

Loves to destroy freshly folded piles of laundry.

Is not shy by any means. If you have a pretty large necklace and you are sitting by me, expect her to climb on you and go straight for it.

Still knows how to use those eyebrows and loves to smile at everyone but mom.

When it’s time its time no matter where she is, she will stop mid crawl and just hold her breath and let out a big sigh. That’s what I know I have a present waiting for me.

We are about to start buckling her into her high chair. She climbs and turns backwards and hangs over the side and then screams maybe because she is about to fall head first onto the floor or just because it’s extremely uncomfortable to have your rib cage crammed between a seat and a tray.

Sleeps either on her side or with her bum straight up in the air… or between us in bed if it’s a really rough night.

Dances!!! She kicks one leg or bounces.

Is a clapping fiend!

Waves to everyone!

She has recently started to really cuddle. While playing she will come over and rest her head on your shoulder and just start talking to you.

If every child was like her I would have a million of them. Even though she can be a sassy little pill at times she sure does brighten up our day! We loves this crazy little girl and are so excited to see what new tricks she has learned each new day.

This little girl no longer likes the camera. At all! She won't even smile at me anymore when the camera is in sight. Monday night I attempted to take pictures of her and failed but did get some fun ones of her and her favorite person.

This past weekend I was able to take wedding pictures for Cody's cousin and it was probably the most beautiful reception I have ever been to! It was rustic and farm related but elegant and stunning all at the same time.

I got a hair cut today and I am in love! As long as tomorrow goes well (because the real test of a good hair cut comes the next day) I can officially say I love it. For now, I strongly like it.

Three hours of church can sometimes be a lot to ask of a wee little babe. Fifteen minutes left on the clock and I was counting down the minutes until we could bolt out the door and put this girl down for a nap. She had been fussy and Cody realized she had a dirty diaper. Thinking it would help us make it through the last few minutes I went to change her.

I learned the hard way to just change her on the carpeted floor in the mothers lounge instead of on the fold out table. Mad at the fact that she was only wet and the smell was only farts I let her crawl around undiapered.

BIG MISTAKE!

As I was folding up the dirty diaper I start to smell what I assumed was another disgusting fart. Oh how wrong I was! As she was crawling all over the place she was leaving little presents as well. It was smeared in the carpet in multiple places, it was all over her tights I had set off to the side, and still had chunks hanging from her cheeks.

It was the right place at the right time for my friend who was nursing her baby when we got there. I have learned my lesson, never let a gassy baby roam free while commando!

As a recovery from our fun adventure we spent the afternoon eating half of the chocolate covered raisins bought yesterday from Costco and a lot of playing crawling tag.

My life according to my phone this week...

Ellie helping me organize her closet... Or destroy all the folded clothes.

Driving a parked car.

New skirt, first ever maxi skirt and already totally in love!

Ellenor has her 9 month doctors appointment on Monday. We were both thrilled to learn that no shots were needed that day! She is now a whole 16 lbs 2 ounces. Her cousin who is two weeks older has 5 pounds on her. Don't worry Hailey, we still love you!

Today at Costco we received the best compliment!!! At Costco after you load the goods onto the belt the worker pulls the cart behind them to load it while you stay on the opposite side of the counter. The two ladies working were in love with Ellie and talking to her the whole time. She in turn gave them her undivided attention and a straight face. After we finish checking out the cashier leans in a little closer. She tells us that they can tell a lot about a home by the way the child reacts when they get separated from their parents for those brief moments. She said that she could tell by how comfortable Ellie was that we were doing something right. She really is such a good, happy baby. I don't know if it is so much how we are raising her than it is just her personality. She is a sassy girl already and is so friendly. She loves anyone that gives her attention and even will bite your nose with her four teeth if your lucky. It's amazing how the biggest blessings in life can come in the smallest packages, or bodies!

Last weekend we headed down to Utah and stayed with Cody's brother. We got to see one of my best friends from high school and finally meet her darling twin boys. I got to take some bridal pictures and had an absolute blast. I love the feeling after a shoot when you can't decide which was your favorite because there were quite a few you are head over heels in love with. Yes, I am crazy for being so in love with pictures.

This past week I started school. So far so good, I'm surviving. My economics class that I was so worried about was great and I think it may actually be my easiest class! I have been making lists and organizing like crazy to try to keep on top of my school work. This past week has been extremely difficult to focus because I started watching the show Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. It is honestly disgusting how addicted I get to tv shows. Poor Cody wants his wife back.

Last night Cody was helping give Ellenor a bath. Correction, he was giving her a bath and I was taking pictures. He decided it was time to get out and tried to wash her hair. She grabbed the wash cloth out of his hand, turned around to stand facing opposite of him, and started laughing.

Cutest. Girl. Ever. 

Such a spaz already!

I found a candy bar in the freezer this morning. It said Happy Fathers Day. I looked at what kind it was… Hershey’s with ALMONDS. Score! I ate it… Cody came home for lunch and wasn’t very happy. I told him he didn’t even know it was there. He told me exactly where he put it and what kind of candy bar it was.
Whoops!

Cody is already planning a fun night but not for the two of us, for him and our crazy little girl. I get to take the youth to the temple tonight and it is just what I am in need of. But I will admit that I am a little jealous of Ellenor getting alone time with her dad.

Lucky girl!