Today was an interesting day. It seemed like every time I was out of eye sight Ellie was screaming. Every time she bonked her head or got stuck she screamed. I swear she screamed at everything and wanted me to be constantly holding her. I was getting frustrated with everyone else when they would do something to her, like start teasing her because she was being extra sensitive. And I was getting upset that she was being so sensitive. Even when we took her to the park to play with her cousins she wouldn't walk and just wanted to be held. She was really starting to make me mad because she wasn't being herself.

And then she threw up and I felt like the worst mom in the world. I should have been able to read the signs better. I thought she was wanting to be held at the park because she fell and hit her knees. I thought she was being cuddly because she had taken odd naps. We got back to the house, gave her a bath, and cried. Ever have those moments? The "I have failed as a mom today and the only thing I can do is cry" moment.

This girl is absolutely sweet. And today I felt awful that she was stuck with a mom like me. I'm glad tomorrow is a new day , hopefully with a good nights rest tonight, we get to start over. Hopefully she will be feeling better but I get to focus more of my attention on being a better parent and listening instead of assuming so I don't have a repeat of today.

  
15 Lessons I've Learned from my 15 Month Old



Always wake up happy. It’s a new day with a fresh start, you get to make it anything you want. Why not start it off right?!

There's no use in fighting a nap, if your tired then sleep! Ellenor is amazing with nap times and usually bed time. I ask her if she is ready for a nap and she walks straight to the counter where her pacifier is. If I don’t ask she will usually walk into her room and tap on her crib until I come.

Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and laugh. 

Everyone deserves to see you smile, even if you don't think they deserve it or don’t feel like you can. You never know when a simple smile will turn someone’s day around and its painless and free.

Kissing random things isn't always a bad thing, be grateful for the simple things every day.

Cleaning can be fun, especially when you have a little helper. Not to mention it makes you feel great to sit in a freshly clean room to play.

Learning and organizing can be fun to. I get to learn when Ellie is asleep but over the last few weeks I have noticed that I don’t give her the opportunities to learn in different ways. She loves to match shapes and color with crayons. But sometimes dumping out the crayons and reorganizing them is more fun.

Staying mad for a long time is pointless. I love that kids forgive so easily. I can tell her no, she throws a fit on the floor, we talk about why to not get into something and move on to a new activity. 
There is no point in postponing solving the issue, take care of it then and there and be done.

Being outside can be healing and therapeutic. We are loving this 40 degree weather we have had the past week. Any chance we get we go outside. Yesterday was not a very good day for me, I got a terrible grade on a test that I had put so much effort into. We decided to go for a walk and what a difference that made. Even just playing in the yard or walking to the mailbox is good.

Doing something you love repeatedly isn’t necessarily bad. Whether it is reading your favorite book or movie, or in Ellie’s case dumping out the Costco size of animal crackers over and over again, it’s ok. If it is something you enjoy and makes you happy then what is the harm? Especially if it takes two seconds to vacuum up.

Getting dressed first thing in the morning makes you have a better attitude. I notice such a big difference when I get Ellie dressed in the morning instead of after her first nap, she is much more happy. Getting up and getting ready for the day first thing makes you feel like at least you’ve accomplished something and usually helps me have a better attitude throughout the day.

Random kisses never hurt anyone. Letting someone know you care or are thinking about them never hurt anyone. Ellie has started randomly giving kisses throughout the day and I am loving it. It reminds me to always let the people I care about know that.

Sometimes you just need to relax and snuggle and that's ok.

It’s ok to throw in the towel and ask for help. When Ellenor is done eating she will usually throw her silverware on the floor before she says she’s done and needs help getting out. It’s ok to admit your overwhelmed or just need a moment and need help. I sometimes have a hard time asking Cody to play with Ellie for a few minutes because I need to breath but its ok.

Make anything your doing fun. Cody taught Ellie how to take her diaper and throw it away a few weeks ago. She gets so excited to throw them away even if they are absolutely disgusting. No matter what we are doing we can make it fun, like a game, or even just rewarding.

I usually hate alone time, especially on Sundays. But today I am loving it! Ellie is sound asleep and Cody is at a scouting court of honor. I borrowed Phantom of the Opera from a friend last week and I am finally getting the chance to finish it. And blog...

Last weekend we sold Cody's bike. It was tough, at least for me. It has been nice to have something that he looks forward to and enjoys. If the weather was nice I could just assume that he would want to go for a ride and have relaxing time alone, something I know is necessary for sanity. Riding it was a rush that can't be described. Yes I did worry about him on occasion but rarely did I worry when he was riding out here in the country, there's a lot less traffic. We both felt that it was necessary to sell it and to not be in any kind of unnecessary debt.

A few weeks ago we went to look at houses in hopes of being able to see what was available and get a better idea of what we were wanting in a house. Burley is an older community with slim pickings in the house department. We found one that we liked but before we had a chance to even consider it it was sold! As much as we would like to be in a house of our own with more space I think it is safe to say that we are content with where we are currently at. We have a list of must haves, like a two car garage, a yard with space for a garden, decent square footage (I swear some of the houses were the size of our college apartment!) and not being so close to the neighbors that you can stick your hand out the window and knock on your neighbors window. It amazes me what condition of homes some people live in and the condition they leave them in. When we first started talking about just looking for fun I was so set on having a house before this baby is born but the more we look the more I like where we are at. We have an amazing yard, amazing rent, a lot of HUGE windows, and the best part is a garden the size of a drive way. I have decided that IF we found a house I can't move until fall when we have picked everything from our garden. It's funny because when I think of this summer and fun activities to do outside with Ellie they all revolve around this house.

Ellenor is getting to be such a little kid and is hilarious to watch. I swear having a kid is the best form of entertainment there is. She loves to dance and climb on everything. She thinks her giant teddy bear will protect her from getting tickled by Cody when he comes home and runs to it whenever I make her a snack or bottle. She loves to read, we read each book at least once a day and if I am lucky she will only want to read the first page before moving on to the next book. The little stinker won't eat and I am hoping it will get better after this bug passes. She will only eat mandarin oranges, scrambled eggs, pancakes, string chess, and if we are really lucky she will eat rice. We think she has what Cody had last week. We weren't going to get anything for Easter but while at Barnes and Noble the other night getting a book for my class I had money left over on my gift card and Ellie found a bunny that she would not let go of. She has carried that thing around for two days straight and is loving it.

Today at church Cody had Ellie out in the hall because she was starting to get loud and upset. She must have been doing better because I look over and see her running with her mouth opened wide, tongue sticking out, running with two doors stops in her hand and laughing. It didn't take long for Cody to catch her but it sure was a funny sight to see. I am really loving this age she is at. She loves to make a mess of the kitchen an rearrange everything but she is also very helpful. Cody taught her how to throw her diaper away and we love it, she gets mad when I don't let her help me put dishes away, and she loves to hide everything in Cody's pajama drawer. She will grab your Han and show you what she wants and is constantly trying to play ring around the rosies. She is obsessed with the movie Brother Bear and laughs and growls through the entire thing. Any animal sound is a growl except cats and sometimes it's just a laugh at me making the noise, like pigs.

Cody was sick last week for a few days but is feeling better except we think he gave it to poor Ellie. He works so hard and is still the best father and husband. He. comes home from a long day at work and helps me finish making dinner, if not makes it by himself, plays with Ellie, helps give her a bath and put her to bed and still makes time for me. Spring is a busy time at work and its going to be even crazier because they just hired another guy to train. I am excited though because he gets 3 weeks of paid vacation this year to use so he can take a day off here and there.

This week has been a roller coaster I emotions. Between not the most comforting news on Tuesday at my doctors appointment to plans completely falling through to tests and essays and other big homework assignments. To top it all off we haven't been sleeping the best at night and I have been gone every night this week. Oh yea, the whole pregnancy hormones adds to it to.

This morning I was stressed to say the least. Completely overwhelmed would be more accurate. I had a two page essay and my first major test due before midnight and I had to be in town by 6. This morning I was a little mad about the fact that valentines wasn't anything special. We don't usually celebrate with anything big but we are on a budget and we've spent the allotment for the month to play. I was disappointed because we won't be celebrating my birthday with anything besides maybe a cake because we will have a brand new baby, hopefully.

Cody being the amazing man that he is only worked a half day and came home at lunch to watch Ellie for the afternoon so I could get homework done. I got home about 8 and we put Ellie to bed. Cody said he had something for me, I'm thinking to myself "it's 8:45 and your going outside to your pick up, what is it?!" He pulls out his lap top and he has written me 23 reasons why he loves me. (i was on the phone giving my dad ideas for valentines day ideas for my mom, she teaches piano until 8pm on Thursdays and they go out to eat almost every weekend so the idea was to write down 30 reasons why he loves her because this is their 30th valentines day together. Cody overheard and loved the idea!) I was a complete mess! Everything from this week came out and I was bawling. And because he knows me so well brought me a treat of powdered donuts and orange soda! (I always ask if we can get them but never do because we don't need them).

Although its been a disaster of a week, not everything this week has been bad just a lot more than usual, I am grateful for an amazing husband who pays attention to my needs and takes care of me. I am so grateful for Cody because he is aware of what is going on and is actively involved whenever he is home. He recognizes the little things that I do to try and make our home comfortable and a happy place to be. He notices things that are just habit to me and loves me for my quirks and despite my bad temper at times. Forget the chocolates, treats, and flowers, being told you are loved and that you are noticed was all I needed to make this week turn a complete 180.

How can February be just about half way over?! Can time pause for just a little bit so I can enjoy it more?

This past week was a long one but it went by fast at the same time (because that makes total sense). I had a lot of homework and things to get done all while waiting patiently for it to be Friday already.

We had our ultrasound on Friday morning and were ecstatic to find out that Ellie is going to have a little sister! We are so excited!!! My older sisters are about 18 months apart and I was always do jealous that they were so close while I got to be smashed between two boys. I'm already looking forward to girls nights of painting nails and watching chick flicks.

Last week I took Ellie to nursery for the first time and today I took her again for the second part of church. It's pointless for me to even attempt to go to Sunday school with her, if she isn't whining to run around she is running around distracting everyone. By distracting I mean she goes up to random people taps on their leg until they look at her and starts laughing or teasing people with whatever she has in her hand. And this way she gets used to the nursery and other kids.

She is such a girl! If one of the older kids takes a toy that she has she just stands there and waves her hands and eventually goes to get it back. Half the time she just whines and looks at me like "do something mom!" It's fun to watch the older kids with her, they love her. One little boy wanted her to play everything with him an another girl kept giving her kisses and hugs. I can't wait until she gets to that age!

 

I am so excited to announce that we are expecting another little kiddo in July! We found out at the beginning of November and although I am very trustworthy keeping my own secret is extremely difficult!

We decided in August that since it took a while with Ellenor that we would start trying to get pregnant, planning on having a two year difference. September came and went with everything normal but then October hit and seemed to last forever. It was a waiting game and I am not very patient. I was two weeks late and still getting negative tests. I remember talking to a good friend about it on Halloween and her advice was to try not to think about it, that’s a lot easier said than done! By this point it was three weeks late and had about seven negative tests. I was so frustrated that my body wasn’t acting normal but I wasn’t getting a positive test! I just wanted those darn TWO pink lines!  

Two days after Halloween I had a pretty crazy dream. I had a dream that my sister and I were walking around the mall. (Back story: Growing up my sisters would punch each other as hard as they could and RUN away fast!) So my sister who at the time was pregnant kept hitting me in the chest and anytime I would complain she would say “Its ok, your not pregnant! You don’t need them right now!” I woke up thinking what in the world! Maybe I’m pregnant! Needless to say I FINALLY saw those glorious two lines!

The first trimester wasn’t too bad, just nauseous if I didn’t eat. I definitely took a lot of naps and had very little energy but it wasn’t bad at all. So far the second trimester has been great, I am loving having more energy and not constantly feeling nauseous. 

With Ellenor I was not very happy with how I looked before and was really nervous about gaining weight. I've put in a lot of hard work over the past year and I am already excited to get back into shape after this kiddo is born. But I am a lot more comfortable with where I started with this pregnancy and am finally excited to be able to take "belly" shots and not be afraid of it not actually being baby like last time.  So here is proof of me getting bigger and not just eating too much!

The day after we found out!

13 weeks

15 weeks!

17 1/2 weeks!

 14 1/2 weeks!

 

1   Five for Friday:

   1. I went in for a dentist appointment on Monday for a tooth ache. My teeth looked fine but he thought it was a sinus problem and that it was my sinuses pressing on my roots that was causing pain. I wasn’t too excited about it at first because I left his office still having a sensitive tooth and massive headaches. And when I say headaches I mean I have had a migraine since last Monday and my house looks awesome (sarcasm!). As I am talking to the pharmacist about my antibiotic he tells me the leading ingredient is penicillin. Every time I have taken that I throw up so I just tell them I’m allergic. Well he doesn’t care and tells me to take it with food and finally by Tuesday night after being nauseas all day long and fighting the urge to throw up (I would rather give birth again than throw up!) I made them order me a new prescription. Same pharmacist yesterday was giving me my new antibiotic and tells me that the main side effect is diarrhea and that it’s unavoidable. From one extreme to the other and I still have a constant splitting headache.

2

.       2. How do you teach a child who is not at all shy about stranger danger? I have no problem with her talking to people and smiling at random people, especially nice old grandpas and grandmas. As we were checking out yesterday a guy behind me started playing peek a boo with her. At first she was hesitant and then she started smiling. He thought that was an invitation to start talking to us and was really creepy and definitely needed a lesson in lines at the store courtesy.

3.    Last night I decided that I need to cut back on the carbs, my weakness, and for snack today? Oh just chips and salsa… How about starting on Monday?

  
4.All the snow has finally melted, it’s a decent temperature outside, no crazy 20 mph winds, and I am extremely tempted to wake Ellie up so we can go on a walk already.

 

55.Can it just be next Friday already?!?! I haven’t been this excited about something in a long time but I can’t spill the beans just yet.