Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by a certain emotion that I cry. Can I still blame it on hormones?! Today's emotion was love and gratitude. 

Being a mom is hard work. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying. It's not easy but it is so worth it. I absolutely love being a mother and being able to raise these two sweet girls. 

I feel like there is so much pressure to always have a perfect house, no messes or things out of place and because I'm a stay at home mom dinner should be a gourmet meal every night. But I'm slowly learning that that isn't my reality. We do pretty good at keeping it straightened up but if you come over just don't expect me to whip out the vacuum right then to sweep up the Cheerios that just got smashed into the carpet. I'm learning that everything has its time and place. The time for cleaning is in the morning for me and then I have to let it go and move on. 

I'm learning that the more time I spend actively involved with these girls the more relaxed I am through out the whole day. Ellenor's giggle is infectious and it brightens up the whole house even if it turns into a high pitched screech. I'm learning to slow down and just enjoy each day. Enjoy each of the little things they do, the new discoveries they make, the excitement of recognition. Ellie is starting to play on her own and it's been fun to watch but also fun when she drags me into her make believe world. 

Yesterday was a good day. We played alot. We had a tickle fight, made up dances to songs, did a puppet show, played with her baby dolls. These are the things that matter, not how long the dishes sit on the counter undone or unfolded laundry on the couch. These girls are what matter. 

I ran for the first time since Katelyn was born. I'm not going to lie, it was a lot tougher than I thought it was going to be. And it was slow. I felt like I was just crawling along. But I did it. 

Getting back to running is going to be a lot tougher than I think I ever imagined. The first mile I was feeling great and then I started cramping in my side. I walked for a few minutes until I could comfortably run again. Also when I started walking I when I switched from the asphalt road to the canal bank. Oh how I miss that route! There is no one around and it's quiet except for the noise of water and the birds. Almost everytime I run there is always a bird in the brush that flies out of the brush and scares the living daylight out of me but not today. Overall it was a good run and I'm not feeling too tired yet so that's a good sign. 

We headed to the fair on Tuesday and I would say it was a success. Ellenor did not want to leave the cows, she was slightly obsessed. She would squeal and point to everyone. We grabbed some food and walked around some more. I'm excited to go back tonight (I love that there is no entrance fee!) and get different fair food, it's the best. 

Wednesday was the parade that they always do on fair week. Before the parade had even started Ellie was waving at all the cars and people walking by. Taking a kid to a parade is a lot more entertaining. Anytime there was music she was dancing and spinning. She loved getting candy and scored big, she also got a stuffed animal lion, a frisbee, and a stress ball. It helps having such a cute kid when you want free things. Whenever they would toss candy she would squeal. A few times those squeals were so cute they threw an extra handful. 

Yesterday Cody's family picked corn from the field to freeze. They got up at 6:30 to pick it before it got too warm while I slept and eventually got the girls ready. It's a pretty long process. You have to husk it, clean it, boil it, cut it off the cob all before you can put it in the freezer. I wasn't much help, I just watched kids inside and ate cookies. It usually takes all day but they finished before lunch because they had so many people helping. We may be eating quite a bit of corn in the near future because this sweet corn is amazing. If it was acceptable to only eat corn on the cob for a meal I would totally do it! 

Katelyn is already a month old and growing like a weed! I saw weed because we have one outside our window that im has grown so fast it's already taller than me! At her appointment yesterday she weighed 10 lbs 23 oz! She is going to catch up to miss Ellenor real fast! 

The last week has been a lot more difficult. Having two kids has been manageable. I keep to my cleaning schedule and the house has stayed clean. And then the fatigue set in. I'm assuming its a mixture of the adrenaline finally wearing off and Ellie waking up at night multiple times. I have felt like a walking zombie, so exhausted and on edge the whole time. Last night we got a little bit more sleep than we have been getting but I can already tell we are all going to be taking naps this afternoon. 

It's fair week here in Burley! It's a big deal and I won't lie, it's fun. Most of the kids in the area are involved in 4H and have an animal to show or sugar beats so its something they look forward to. I on the other hand could care less about the ten year old showing a cow that is 8 times his size (unless it wants to run away and drag them behind I'm not interested). I just go for the food! Name that movie! Elephant ears, smoothies, just the smell of it all puts me over the moon! Cody always gets a fajita but my favorite is the gyros. Last year Ellie like watching the horses but didn't understand. This year in excited to take her to see the different rodeo events and let her watch the pretty cowgirl princesses. But I'm mostly excited because I plan on taking Ellie on her first carousel ride! Cody doesn't know but we will make him go along with it. Hopefully! 

The next few weeks are going to be interesting. My parents are heading to Kazakhstan for a mission where they will be speaking Russian. Their stuff is already moved out of Alaska and they are flying down next week. It's going to be tough not having my mom a call or text away. Thank heavens my sisters aren't going anywhere, I don't think I could survive without them. 

This week has been low key. I was craving chocolate the other day and decided to make some no bake cookies. I refuse to turn on the oven when it is so hot out. While I was washing dishes, my back was turned, someone found the cooling cookies! Ellie had climbed up on the table quietly and was shoving her finger into them and enjoying every bit of it. 

Katelyn will be one month old at the end of this week! She is such a good baby and is so content. She's had an upset stomach today and I'm pretty sure it's because I ate so many of those cookies, poor girl! She is chunking up nicely and it makes her cheeks even more kissable!

This past weekend I decided that we needed to so something spontaneous and fun, something we rarely ever do. Cody said that once you have kids you can't be spontaneous but I proved him wrong. It's possible but a lot more difficult. Packing bags and loading up the car takes time but it was so worth it! 

We headed out early on Friday to start out adventures in Utah. The plan was to do things that we could all enjoy, more Ellie and I and less about Cody but he was a great sport about it. Our first stop was to look at a four wheeler on Craigslist. Cody has been looking at four wheelers ever since we sold his bike. He needs something fun for him to do and to get him out of the house on weekends. It's a stress reliever that he can look forward to, a way to blow off steam and it's a lot more practical than a bullet bike. We drove through the canyon between park city and salt lake and it was gorgeous! There is something so majestic about driving through the mountains, it makes me miss Alaska. 

The next stop was the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake. Ellie loves animals, a lot! Watching how excited she gets over dogs and birds I knew she would love the zoo and she did! Cody was giving me a hard time about being more excite than anyone else, then we walked in and her face immediately lit up! The best feeling you can get as a parent is watching your child smile from ear to ear and squeal with excitement. I got some money for my birthday and told Cody before hand that I planned on getting Ellie a stuffed animal with my birthday money. We head to the gift shop to let her choose a toy and learned that she is very particular and picky about her stuffed animals. She picked a polar bear wrapped in a blanket and wouldn't even consider any others. She didn't mind holding on to the giraffe that we picked out for Katelyn. 

After the zoo we headed to Ikea. I have been looking for specific toys for Ellie and knew that ikea had a couple of them for a great price. One was a play tent. Normally they are around $30-$50 and I was not willing to pay that. Then I found a circus one they had online for $20 and knew it was the one I wanted! And ikea is just fun to walk around and day dream about plans for a future home. 

As we were walking through the bathroom section we saw bath mats for the right price and decided to replace the straggly looking one we've had for years. We grabbed a grey one and then Cody asks Ellie which one she wanted. Of course she chose bright pink!!!! Cody's excuse for buying it was that he lived in a house full of girls and if a pink bath may would make her happy then he would do it. (We only have one bathroom)

We spent the rest of the evening hanging out with my grandma and even grabbed sandwiches at Zuppas. I won't lie, part of the reason we went to Utah was to see my grandparents. We love going to see them and they are just a blast to be around. I take any chance to see them thAt I can. 

Saturday we headed to the outlet malls and ran a few errands before heading home. Walking through the Nike and Under armor stores made me so excited to really start workin out again. This whole waiting business is driving me crazy, I'm ready to start working towards having a body that isn't so flabby anymore. 

Cody was such a good sport the entire time. He knew that shopping was the kind of break that I needed even though we walked out of there with more clothes for Ellie than we did for me. (We found $3 shorts at Oshkosh for next summer for her! Score!!!) It was just the break we all needed. Cody got his four wheeler, I got to try on real clothes and not maternity clothes, and Ellie got mom and dads full attention at the zoo while Katelyn slept the whole time. 

It's hard to be spontaneous with kids. But it was so worth the little sleep trying to get everything together. It's amazing what a little bit of time together away from home can do. 

Its been a little over a week and so far we are absolutely loving having Katelyn in our family. She is an amazing baby and its great. Its a night and day difference between Ellie and Kate when it comes to eating. She eats like a champ and has no problems at all! 

On Friday while my mom was still here I had a little melt down. I was extremely engorged to the point where picking up Ellie would put me just about in tears. I was afraid of Monday and being home by myself with two kids when I was having a hard time just functioning. By Sunday all was right in the world again and I was feeling great! 

Monday wasn't nearly as bad as I was anticipating. We were up and showered, dressed, and had breakfast by 9 am! Go me! The rest of the week has been great to. We've been busy with doctors appointments, play dates, and just getting back to regular life. 

Ellenor loves her sister. She is so great and is so sweet and soft around her. I don't have to worry about leaving the room for a minute with Kately on the floor or on the couch. Ellie loves to sit by her and stroke her hair. She doesn't get too jealous when I nurse but I think part of that is because I make sure she has something to do so shes not bored and constantly asking me for something although that has happened. 

I put Katelyn on her boppy on the couch and left the room for a minute. When I came back Ellie was laying next to her stroking her hair and talking to her.

I

I love reading birth stories because everyone is so different. And more than anything I’m writing this post for me to remember. If you don't want to read, just skip to the bottom for pictures.

Katelyn Elizabeth Searle
6 lbs 8 oz
20 1/2 inches long
Born at 12:46
My due date was July 10^th but I elected to set up an induction the day before on Tuesday July 9^th. I didn’t get too much sleep that night, I blame it on a mixture of excitement and being extremely nervous. I was told to call before coming into make sure they had room for me. When I called at 6:30 am the lady put me on hold and I swear she took as long as she possibly could. I started thinking that it was too good to be true and that there was no way I was going in (and to be completely honest I was going to be upset that I had woken up at 5:45 for nothing).

We got the go ahead and dropped Ellie off with Cody’s mom, she didn’t even want to say goodbye to me! We checked in at 7:30 am and did a ton of paperwork. We had an amazing nurse named Jazzy. I joked with her about putting my IV in because I have really sensitive veins and if you don’t get it on the first try you aren’t going to be able to use that vein. When I had Ellenor the nurse left my hand bruised for weeks because she didn’t believe me and ended up putting it on the side of my wrist so I couldn’t move my hand. We also joked with Jazzy that she better not turn off my pictocin (medicine to get contractions going) otherwise my doctor would be mad (again something the nurse did with Ellie). As we were answering questions a nurse came in and Jazzy said she would be helping. It was the nurse that stabbed me multiple times and turned off my drugs! Cody and I were doing everything we could to not laugh!

My doctor came in at 8:30 to check me and break my water. The week before at my appointment I had been dilated to a 4 and when he checked I was already at a 4 ½. He broke my water and basically said have fun and see you later. When the nurse started my pitocin at 9 am she told me that the anesthesiologist would be able to come in in 45 minutes at the soonest. I was a little disappointed thinking that I wanted to wait a little longer to get the epidural and just labor through the pain. The contractions weren’t too awful and were manageable and then the pitocin started to kick in.

The contractions were getting so strong that I couldn’t talk through them and was really needing things to distract me. It was a very long and painful 30 minutes before the anesthesiologist came in. The epidural wasn’t too bad, a little bit more pressure than I remember with Ellie but then again with her I was throwing up. The epidural I received is a newer concoction that allows you to move around a lot more and that you are supposed to be able to feel a little pressure but no pain. It was amazing!

The nurse would ask me to lift my hips or move this way or that and I could!

At 9:45 (15 minutes after I got my epidural) I was dialated to 6 cm! At 10:45 I was at a 6 ½. They checked me at 11:45 I was only at a 7! We were thinking that this was going to take a while and that we weren’t going to have a baby anytime soon. My good friend Kayla works at a doctors office on the other side of the hospital and stopped by on her lunch break. She said that from here on out I would dialate quickly and she would be here in no time. I started getting nauseas and started dry heaving because I had nothing in my stomach. I started laughing because usually you have stomach acid that comes up but not even that was. The nurse came in and gave me some anti nausea medicine and decided to check me. It was 12:10 when she checked and I was already completely dialated!!!

She called the doctor and he came in right away to check. She said she felt a little lip on the baby’s head and the doctor confirmed that her head was turned sideways. The doctor went to change into his scrubs and told the nurse to have me push. I told her that I didn’t think that was a good idea unless she wanted to deliver a baby! My doctor showed back up and said told the nursery nurses that they didn’t have much time. That was music to my ears!

I called my mom to see how close she was and she was almost to the hospital. They had me start pushing but the contractions were so far apart that I couldn’t push too often. She was almost there but we had to wait minutes in between each one. In between contractions the doctor was turning her head so that it was the right direction. I pushed about 6 sets of three pushes before she was out!

Her face was pretty bruised from having to turn it.

She weighed 8 lbs 6 oz! 20 ½ inches long!

I got to do skin to skin for quite a while and then I tried to nurse her. I wanted to cry because she latched right on without any problems! With Ellie she wouldn’t eat and it took weeks before she would nurse right.

We both got cleaned up and switched rooms. Cody’s mom, Gwen, brought Ellie to come meet her new little sister. We gave her a teddy bear to help smooth things over and she still hasn’t put it down! She was a little hesitant with Katelyn at first but had to have a hand on her the entire time!

Cody went home that night with Ellie and it was a good thing. She woke up just screaming and wouldn’t calm down for a while. In the morning they came back and we were hoping to leave by noon. Well that didn’t quite happen.

The pediatrician came in first thing on Tuesday morning and said because of the bruising she would most likely have high jaundice levels and he was right. We started her on the lighted bed as soon as possible hoping that by 4 that afternoon when they retested she would be good to go home. This time around wasn’t nearly as emotional as it was with Ellie and we were really hopeful that we would be able to go home and we were!

Cody and I spent a few hours just trying to figure out a name for this kid. We could not agree on a name that we both liked and that also fit her.

We finally decided on Katelyn Elizabeth Searle. We will call her Kate for short and Elizabeth is my grandmothers name.