I have a two year old. The only way I make it through the day is knowing that my knight in shining armor will come and rescue me at the end of the day (rescue in our house means play with her in another room so I can breathe). Most days we do just fine and we get along great. Except lately.

I am struggling so much right now with raising this girl. She is so much fun and we can laugh and have the best time but in an instant she can be throwing the biggest fit. Hitting and screaming at the top of her lungs. At least she doesn’t know how to say hateful things yet!

Today was not a good day in the parenting book. I yelled, walked out of the room as she was crying out for mom, ignored her pleas and whines, cried in front of her while asking her to just stop. It was quite the scene. More like a horror film that lasted all. Day. Long. Then I put the girls to bed and breathed a great big sigh of relief. Not even two minutes later I am missing them and secretly hoping at least one of them will wake up to keep me company. For me to hold them and tell them that I am sorry for not being a great mother and promise them that I will do better tomorrow. Thank heavens for tomorrows and being able to fix what we did wrong today. Tomorrow is a new start. Tomorrow will come and she won’t remember how ugly I was today, at least I hope not. She won’t hold it against me and will wake up in the morning happy to climb in my bed and play.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I will be more patient. I will play more and remember to laugh more instead of getting upset at the small things. Tomorrow I will kiss her more and hug her more. Tell her I love her more and show her how great life really is with her around. Play more, explore more, discover more, be more. Raising a two year old is rough stuff. 

Is there any magic cures/potions for moms to become better overnight?!

There has been a lot lately that has got me thinking about my marriage and the man I married. I came across a blog a few weeks ago about a lady who recounts her husbands passing, he was having an affair with a married woman and was shot by her husband. What a terrible and sad situation. I have actually enjoyed reading her blog because she talks about having faith and hope through the whole thing. But my heart sinks every time she talks about the weeks leading up to the tragic event because I wont lie, losing my husband to someone else is one of my biggest fears. The biggest being losing him in general. 

It has got us both talking quite a bit about our relationship and where we are in life and in our marriage. I know (at least I am pretty dang sure) I would be able to tell if something were wrong between us or if something was going on. We have very open communication and I love that. I love that Cody is a nice guy but knows where to draw the line with other women and co-workers. On his trip to Denver last week a married guy he works with did something silly but said that he wouldn't tell his wife. That if she didn't know everything was ok and had the attitude that it wouldn't affect his marriage. I believe that any secrets or lies create a wedge in any relationship. (If its a secret about a present or something along those lines that is completely different.) 

Just having conversations with Cody helps to reassure me what a good man he is and that he really does love me. When he leaves on these business trips, its not just a vacation for him to get away from the family but that he really does miss us. 

He is so good to put up with all our crazy ideas. A few weeks ago he got home early from work and I made him go out to play. We had a family date to the library and grabbed some ice cream cones on the way home. Ellie loved looking through books with her dad and showing him the toys that she likes to play with there. 

We put the kids to bed on Thursday when he got home and not even a half an hour later Ellie snuck out of her room with her blanket. Cody welcomed her with open arms and they slept on the couch for half the night. He is such an amazing father and husband, I honestly don't know what I did to deserve him. I have been so blessed to have Cody in my life and look forward to all the adventures that lie ahead.

Ellie is so ready for Kate to be big enough to play with. She loves to dance and all day yesterday just wanted her little sister to do it to. I would hold Kate standing up and Ellie would take her hands and swing them from side to side. And kept trying to pull her away from me to dance with just her.

Ellenor is definitely my child and that scares me. A lot. I struggle so much with her because our personalities are so similar, especially when it comes to discipline. I am sure part of it is just the age but she is so sassy and opinionated. She has to do everything herself and if she doesn't want something, you can't force it on her (unless its her coat and then we do).

Ellie wont take a nap or go to bed without Katelyn. If I suggest that we do anything, from a bath to making cookies to getting dressed, the first thing out of her mouth is Kate to. After Kate takes a nap Ellie runs into their room screaming "KATES AWAKE!" She climbs up on the railing and says "HI KATE!" all while Kate is giving her the biggest smile. I love the bond that these two already have and I cant wait to watch it grow more!

This past week we took a mini vacation to Boise. I know it doesn't sound very exciting but it was absolutely perfect. 

We drove up Tuesday after Cody got off work, grabbed a quick dinner and then headed back to the hotel to snuggle and watch a movie. We woke up the next morning and had an amazing breakfast. The continental breakfast included a chef making fresh eggs however you wanted and they tasted perfect everytime. I want to hire a chef to make me an omlet every morning, that would be so nice! 

The hotel had a pool and a separate one foot kiddie pool. We hung out in the pool for a bit, did some shopping, grabbed lunch and then came back to take naps. Instead of paying to go see animals at the zoo or aquarium we hit up cabelas! And pet smart to look at dogs because we really like dogs, just not at our house. Yet... 

We planned our mini vacation around nap times and food. One night we ate at red lobster, lets just say that Ellie wasn't on her best of quietest behavior. There was a couple sitting next to us in a suit and his wife was all dolled up in a nice dress and her we are with two noisy kids and Ellie crawling all around under that table. As we were leaving Ellie refuse to put her coat on so I carried her outside without it on. There were quite a few people waiting to be seated and Cody caught a few of the comments I got as I walked out. One lady called Ellie spoiled because she didn't want to put on her coat. Another mentioned that she needed a coat because she was going to freeze. It's funny how no matter what you do or how hard you try people are going to judg how you parent and criticize what your doing. 

We played with Cody's sister and her family and even went swimming with them. Ellie absolutely loves her cousin Chloe and copied everything she did. If Chloe would laugh, Ellie would choke out the most fake laugh and smile right at her. 

I love that Cody knows me so well. He knows just what I need and I love it. On Thursday when he picked up the pizza he also grabbed something else for after te kids went to bed, Ben and Jerry's ice cream! It was a great way to end the week. 

It was the perfect, most relaxing vacation. We spent a lot of time playing, laying with our feet in front of the fire place and just taking time to be with each other. With Cody being gone for almost the next month it was just what we needed. 

These girls leave me absolutely speechless. They play so well together at times and be so darn cute together and then they can be fighting. Yes fighting already. At 2 years and 6 months. I am doomed! 

Ellie acts as if she likes katelyn so I think it's safe to say she likes having a sister. Everytime it's time to take a nap or go to bed she asks "Kate to?!" Anytime she does something she wants Kate to come help and be involved as well. It's time to do Ellie's hair, Kate's hair too. Time for a bath? "Kate to!" I hope that never ever changes. I hope Ellie always remembers her sister and wants to involve her and gets excited to do so. 

Kate is at a fun age. She is rolling and playing on her stomach quite a bit and reachig for toys. Ellie loves to bring her toys to play with and is mastering the idea if trading when I give Kate a toy Ellie has to have right then. Maybe it's mean but I'm excited for Kate to hold her own when it comes to toys she wants and Ellie's shananagins.  

"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you we probably an only child." 

Christmas this year was great! Christmas Eve the girls opened matching pjs and visited Cody's parents. 

We opened presents on Christmas morning and then headed down to my grandparents house in Utah that afternoon. It was great being able to spend so much time with family and have all of my siblings in one place. That rarely happens and I have no idea when it will happen again but it was amazing. 

These three cousins were all born within a few months of each other and had a blast playing together. It was so nice to not have to worry about Ellie because I knew she was content playing with everyone. They kept rocking on this chair and then started jumping from the foot rest onto it while the other two were laughing and rocking. 

 

On Thursday we headed to the dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point in Lehi. Thank heavens we have to babies because we didn't have to pay for them to get in! They had a discovery room that we could have spent hours in! They had tubes that had a fan at the bottom and you could create things to put in it to wath them float to the top. Ellie would have stayed at this station the entire day if we would have let her. 

 

We were actually very impressed with the entire place. It was very kid friendly and had all sorts of fun activities to keep them entertained.

We knew the boys wouldn't last too long hanging out with us constantly so we sent them to do manly things on friday, like shoot guns! All except poor josh, he was sick the entire time and I'm sure not being able to sleep because of the kids didn't help at all. 

My sisters and I took the girls to get a buld a bear, the three older girls (maybe later Kate!) all got gift cards for the holidays. Ellie chose a horse and refused to let me put clothes on it but the leash she chose was acceptable. 

That night we had a girls night, the sisters and grandma, and left the kiddos with the boys. The rest of the weekend was spent just hanging out and enjoying time with everyone and playing games. We get very competitive and it gets intense. I have learned that I have no patience when it comes to games and pick up sticks is not the game for me. 

Monday morning was bitter sweet. Spending time with my family was amazing and we loved every minute of it. But driving away and taking josh to the airport made me extremely sad because I am not sure when the next time we will see him or my sisters family is because of the distance. I guess it's time to start designing our neighborhood just for our family to live so we can always be close! 

Since we moved I have felt off trying to get back in the groove I everyday life. Between cleaning the house, laundry, meals, dishes (the day we are able to get a dishwasher and have space will be the 4th happiest day of my life (the first three being my wedding day and the day that the girls were born)), taking care of kiddos and making sure they get the attention and care they need, and trying to find time to exercise and lose this baby fat. It can be a lot. Especially with the holiday season, I feel like it's a season of busy and long to do lists. 

To avoid feeling completely overwhelmed we have been taking it easy. So far my house has only been completely clean at one time once and that was because we had a dinner guest. I haven't made any delicious holiday treats because I don't want to gain a ton of weight (I really have zero self control when it comes to any kind of sweets or pastries/ breads, or any good food really) and its a lot of extra dishes. I have such little motivation that we haven't even decorated the tree. But a large part of that is because I am enjoying no broken ornaments all over the floor and the after season clean up and also because I am enjoying the simplicity of our lot tree. It doesn't need a ll of the embellishments to be beautiful and bring Christmas cheer.

The time of year, the girls being sick, moving, and well, everything all at once has been a little overwhelming and days like today are necessary. We've been spending a lot of time on the floor playing and dancing and being silly and letting the house be messy and eating frozen chicken and fries and calling it dinner. Usually all this would drive me nuts but I am loving it. I love that katelyn and I snuggled and took a nap this afternoon on the couch instead of getting the long to do list shortened. When ellie only wants to wear the fox pajamas all day for three say in a row I don't get mad, we've just been going with it (mainly because we have two pairs of the same ones). We've been talking and facetiming family and enjoying our family. Instead of worrying about all the things we could be doing and it has been great.