The past few weeks have just felt off for our whole family. Part of it was because I was helping a girl in our ward with Junior Miss (a scholarship program) and have been busy with that. Part of it is because Cody has been gone so much with work and I know a large part is due to pregnancy hormones.

Even though things have felt different and I haven't seemed to be the happiest or best mom lately, we have definitely been blessed. I don't feel like I have spent much time mentally preparing for tho baby to come at all. I kept thinking that maybe if I went and picked out an outfit to bring her home in then it would make me more excited. We went to target and I found a cute outfit but Cody got a call about work stuff and couldn't really look with me. The same thing happened when we went to look at JcPennys, he took a call and even though I found an outfit I liked the more I carried it around the less I liked it. I was feeling bad about not finding anything an decided to pull out all the newborn and 0-3 month clothes that we had from Ellie. I forgot how many clothes we really had! My sister gave us a few huge boxes of clothes (she's done having kids) and the rest were gifts from people. The stack of onesies alone is as tall as the couch cushion and the stack of pajamas is almost as tall! Out of all the clothes this size there are only two onsies and a pair of pajamas that I remember buying ourselves. I am so glad we are having another little girl because we don't even have to worry about not having clothes for this kiddo.

Yesterday also helped me know that I am not alone and that we are being watched over, that someone is aware of me. I went to grab some potatoes from Cody's parents (it's nice being related to potato farmers!). Ellie and I were chatting with his mom when Ellie started to throw a little fit, she sat down in the middle of the room and pouted. I grabbed her hands and picked her up to play ring around the rosies I make her feel better. She sat right back down and started crying hard. I picked her up and she was cradling her right arm, she wouldn't let me touch it or move her arm at all, just scream in pain. We felt her arm and nothing felt wrong, no discoloration or anything but she just wouldn't stop crying. We get home and she still wouldn't move it and wouldn't calm down. I didn't want to rush her to the hospital or the doctors just in case it wasn't anything and decided to turn on a movie.

We snuggled on the couch for over an hour and eventually she calmed down but but she still would cry out in pain or scream every couple of minutes. At 5 Gwen called to see how she was. I was jut waiting for Cody to get home to take her in because it had almost been two hours and no improvement. I was feeling awful for unintentionally hurting my child and putting her in so much pain. I was feeling like the worst mother because she would look at me with tears streaming down her face and a look of "help me!" in her eyes. And while she cried, I cried.

I let her eat a snack on the couch to try and help get her mind off of her arm that she was still barely moving. At first she only used her left hand but eventually started using her right. When she was done she hopped off the couch and started playing with her toys. She had barely moved on the couch for the past hour and all of a sudden she was on the ground playing without complaint. She still babied it for a little while but eventually acted like nothing was wrong with it. As the night progressed she was acting perfectly fine. While I was helping her eat Cody texted me saying he got caught up at work and would be late. I'm glad I didn't see this text until after she started playing.

I was do worried that I hurt my little girl and I didn't even know how or what happened exactly. But I know someone is watching over me. I would not have been able to calmly sit in a doctors office with her alone knowing that it was my fault. I know that I am being looked after and that I am loved. Even though a lot of the time I feel alone in my trials I never really am.

I thought I should probably blog about my pregnancy before I get to the "I'm so miserable and uncomfortable! Why can't this baby come already!" stage.

Today I am officially 28 weeks, the third and final trimester! We are in the home stretch and I am excited! The first trimester it didn't feel too real even though I was nauseous when I didn't eat and constantly tired. Then the second trimester hit and I didn't even feel like I was pregnant at all. Yea I was steadily gaining weight but other than that I didn't have any real symptoms. I also regained my energy and motivation and was able to start exercising regularly again. The past few months I have felt great, I've been sleeping just fine, appetite was doing just fine.

And then this week started. I feel like I have literally ran into a brick wall. I am constantly tired, thank goodness Ellenor takes a nap so I can to. I have no motivation to exercise, last night I fell asleep stretching on the floor after a walk, I was lucky to even get a short work out in in the first place but I was definitely feeling it in my legs this morning which is unusual. I am having to say good to my ankles sooner than I hoped for.

But despite the lack of energy within the last couple days this pregnancy has been great. I don't really remember how I was feeling with Ellenor because I didn't write anything down. This one seems to be going very smoothly, nothing wrong at all and both of us are healthy and doing great. This little girl is a mover and I love it! She especially moves whenever I'm snuggling with Ellie, even if she's just sitting on my lap this kiddo moves around and kicks where she is.

I have an ultrasound next week to make sure everything looks good still. At my scan a few months ago the placenta was looking like it was low but my doctor wasn't too concerned about it. I was afraid to look it up online only to overreact and become worried about something I shouldn't be worry about. I did start to worry between appointments and ended up looking online. I guess at the earlier ultra sounds its common for it to be seen low but move up as the baby gets bigger. Next week it's just to be safe but everything should be just fine so I'm not worried. I am excited to see this little girl again, last time she was being shy and the tech couldn't get a good look at her face.

It's crazy to think this little one will be here in three months! At this point I'm not too stressed about having two. Ellie is pretty good about entertaining herself, I am worried she'll use feeding time as a time to get into mischief though. I'm excited to watch these two grow together and for Ellie to take on the roll of big sister even though she still seems like such a baby herself at times.

Easter was pretty low key for us this year. Friday we had an egg hunt with friends, Saturday we spent a majority of the day outside mowing the lawn and making the flower beds look nice around the house. Sunday we spent the afternoon at Cody's parents where Ellie loved finding all the mini chocolate eggs that were hidden.

As I'm writing this thinking back to how nice the weather was last week it is snowing/raining and has been all day. It's ok with me though (as long as it doesn't last too long) because there won't be water in the canal for us to water our lawn until next week. We are excited for more warm weather to spend all day outside. Ellie is constantly pulling her tennis shoes of the shelf and wanting to put them on to go out. We also put a crate with a few outside toys, like chalk, a ball, badminton rackets next to the door and she will randomly bring those to me throughout the day. Hopefully it will get nice again within the next few days so we don't get cabin fever!

Today I took a much needed break from everything. And it seems to be just what the doctor ordered. The past few days have been stressful with trying to get school work done. Yesterday was so bad in fact this poor kiddo watched a movie in the middle of the afternoon just so I could take a shower and a test. Mother of the year award right here!

I felt awful all day long because I wasn't spending the time with her and putting her off to get other things done. And do you know what? I got another C on my test. It was all for nothing! So today I decided to forget about everything else, dishes aren't done, the floor is in desperate need of a vacuum with multiple meal remnants scattered across the floor. But I'm taking a break from it all and giving her my full attention today because its what she needs. It's definitely what I need.

And this break from everything else has been perfect! Do you know what is happening right now?!?! We are snuggled on the couch and she is asleep in my arms! It's a miracle, I can't remember the last time it happened.

Last night I was listening to the General Young Women's broadcast from this past weekend and President Uchtdorf gave a piece of council that was exactly what I needed to hear. (http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2013/03/your-wonderful-journey-home?lang=eng) He was talking about the journey's we will take in life and that we need to be of good cheer.

"There will always be things to complain about—things that don’t seem to go quite right. You can spend your days feeling sad, alone, misunderstood, or unwanted. But that isn’t the journey you had hoped for, and it’s not the journey Heavenly Father sent you to take. Remember, you are truly a daughter of God!

With this in mind, I invite you to walk confidently and joyfully. Yes, the road has bumps and detours and even some hazards. But don’t focus on them. Look for the happiness your Father in Heaven has prepared for you in every step of your journey. Happiness is the destination, but it’s also the path. “Peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come” is what He promises.11 That is why He commands us to “be of good cheer.”

So today I am moving on from the bad day of yesterday with good cheer and a positive outlook for the days to come. Because you can't be in a bad mood when the weekend is almost here right?!?!

Today I put into action a new plan, the do-so-many-fun-things-and-wear-this-kid-out-that-she-is-forced-to-take-a-nap-out-of-pure-exhaustion plan. And do you know what?! IT WORKED! Ellie has been fighting afternoon naps and it is starting to get exhausting because by the time six o'clock rolls around she is upset and so inconsolable that we end up watching an entire movie a night with her. And its also been a rough past couple of weeks because Cody has been gone so much with work (1st week in March he was in Las Vegas,  last week he was gone from Tuesday until late Friday night) and even when he is in the area it means late nights (Monday it was 1AM, yesterday it was 9pm-ish).

Pretty much I just need this girl to take afternoon naps and it has not been happening. Today I decided that no matter what she was going to take one because she will be so tired from playing. It was a great afternoon to! We headed to the library for her first time ever and she loved it. We spent a good 45 minutes reading books and playing with toys until she saw a girl with a toy she wanted and would not leave her alone. 

Next stop- ICE CREAM! I like having a constant friend to share fries and an ice cream with, it also makes it nice having Ellie so I can use her as an excuse for a middle of the afternoon treat! She has a very active little tongue and loved licking the cone until she realized that if she kept her tongue out and leaned over to the railing on the other side of her she could easily lick that to. I just have to say that Dairy Queen is the most classy place to give shoulder rubs and make out, especially when its busy and there are a lot of kids around... Just saying...

And the last stop was to our favorite place ever (insert rolling of eyes and sarcasm), Walmart. We got Easter eggs for an egg hunt with friends tomorrow. As we were walking out I ran into a lady from church and was chit chatting. Ellie had my keys and managed to push the alarm. Not only did she start laughing but she started laughing hysterically! As I grab the keys from her to try to shut the darn thing off she starts waving, while she is laughing and drawing more attention to us. Thank you Ellenor for keeping me on my toes and giving me a good laugh. 

Although it has been a rough past few weeks, especially days, time alone with Ellie was just what I needed. I love that she is so friendly and nice to everyone she meets. I love her sense of humor, I would put my hand in between her tongue and the railing and she would just lick me and then pull away and laugh. I love that she constantly talks while walking through the store, we do get some funny looks but I love our conversations. I love that she notices people I don't and waves, especially the ones who look like they need a friendly smile.

I'm writing this because today was a great day with just me and my girl, something I only have a few months left to do and I am trying to soak up as much time as I can. Also because I know in 15 years she will probably not want anything to do with me. 

I love reading blogs. Part of my morning routine while laying in bed is reading the daily blogs and snuggling with miss Ellie. What I love most about it is how open these women are with their lives and their opinions. I can honestly say that I am not that way. I fear of writing what I really want because it might offend people or make them look at me in a different light. I also have a hard time writing down my struggles, not because I am pretending to be someone I'm not but because its hard to admit I was wrong and made mistakes. It's a tough pill to swallow. 

I’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks more than usual. School has been one that I’ve been having trouble with. I used to never try and only do the minimum required to get a C in any class but most importantly I didn’t care about grades. Since I’ve met Cody he has pushed me to get the best grades possible and really encouraged me that I could do great if I applied myself. 

A few weeks ago I took a test and got a 70%, it was a huge blow! I had spent so much time and thought I really understood the material. I had a meltdown and I am pretty sure I scared Cody with how much really came out all at once. I have been tempted to quit this semester and not finish. I feel like I need as much time with Ellenor as possible before this baby comes. I feel like I am not giving 100% effort in anything I’m doing.

September 2010, Our first anniversary and 20 lbs heavier than on our wedding day. One of the only pictures I have from the summer/fall 2010 and I only have one that is a full body shot, mostly just face.

Part of the melt down was stressing about weight and being able to lose it after this baby is here. I found a picture of me in October 2010 of me at over 200 pounds, the only one I have. I look miserable and disgusting, it’s sad to see. I knew that I want to run after this baby comes but that’s going to be extremely hard during the summer with Cody at work and a newborn. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to lose the baby weight and get back to 200 pounds. We talked about it, after crying for a good long time, and decided to get a treadmill. At that point I had already gained over ten pounds and was not even half way through this pregnancy. Last week when I went to doctors I had gained another six pounds in one month.

It’s been really tough. I had been eating better and exercising and I still gained a lot of weight. In a few weeks I have the gestational diabetes test and it has been stressing me out. Both of my sisters have had it and I am scared. With Ellenor I failed the first test and had to do a three hour test. I just barely missed the mark and I don’t want it to be that close again. At my last appointment my doctor mentioned it and since then I've been keeping close track of everything I eat and logging it.

Nov 2012- The day after we found out we were pregnant, such a difference in my face!

This pregnancy is already a lot different than from when I was pregnant with Ellie. I thought I was cute and pregnant but I knew I wasn't showing very much because I already had a lot of extra weight. With this one it seems like its all baby and I am loving it! I love being able to know exactly where she is and when Cody rubs my belly I know its her he is feeling and not just a ton of fat. With Ellie it seemed by stomach was huge and this time its one concentrated area. I've been using my treadmill everyday and it is so hard to only walk on it not run. 

6 months! Left:Ellenor Right:Little Sister!

 With Ellie I wore plus sized clothes my mom had given me from her closet. With this one I am still able to wear a lot of regular shirts, size large and extra large! I put on shorts yesterday and had to laugh. When I had just found out I was pregnant with Ellie those shorts didn't fit because of my size. This summer they were way too big and yesterday they just fit a little snug at six months pregnant. 

It feels good to be honest and open. Definitely scary, but good. I love being pregnant but am very scared of gaining a lot more weight and having diabetes. I am not as scared about losing it afterwards because having a treadmill will make it a lot easier than trying to work around Cody's schedule and the weather. It may not seem like that big of a difference between the two pregnancies but it is. I feel so much better and exercising everyday definitely helps that.

The first week of March Cody had a work trip in Vegas and me and Ellie decided to go play in Utah! It was my sisters last week of maternity leave and we had a blast! We laid low for the most part and it was just the break we needed this winter.

We played at the park, took the kids to the play place at the mall, went to a paleontology museum, saw my brother and grandparents, and I even joined my sister and her neighbor in an intense Zumba workout (I'm still pricing them for after baby because they were amazing!).

Ellie learned that she loves slides, doesn't like waiting her turn, and LoVES dogs especially when they just sit and let you pet them. I learned that I am glad I don't have a boy, my nephew is three months older than Ellie and absolutely fearless. It was great seeing my brother, he's so busy with school but its always my favorite to see how much these kids love him. And grandma and grandpa... They put up with so much and these kids love them! They even still like us when the kids hide and lose their remotes. And Jen, she really is supermom. She is amazing and loves her kids so much, it's so fun to watch her interact with her new baby and switch right into playing with her 7 year old. She's so strong and it amazes me how incredible she is (especially because she was not the nicest big sister growing up and kind of scared me :))