Today I put into action a new plan, the do-so-many-fun-things-and-wear-this-kid-out-that-she-is-forced-to-take-a-nap-out-of-pure-exhaustion plan. And do you know what?! IT WORKED! Ellie has been fighting afternoon naps and it is starting to get exhausting because by the time six o'clock rolls around she is upset and so inconsolable that we end up watching an entire movie a night with her. And its also been a rough past couple of weeks because Cody has been gone so much with work (1st week in March he was in Las Vegas,  last week he was gone from Tuesday until late Friday night) and even when he is in the area it means late nights (Monday it was 1AM, yesterday it was 9pm-ish).

Pretty much I just need this girl to take afternoon naps and it has not been happening. Today I decided that no matter what she was going to take one because she will be so tired from playing. It was a great afternoon to! We headed to the library for her first time ever and she loved it. We spent a good 45 minutes reading books and playing with toys until she saw a girl with a toy she wanted and would not leave her alone. 

Next stop- ICE CREAM! I like having a constant friend to share fries and an ice cream with, it also makes it nice having Ellie so I can use her as an excuse for a middle of the afternoon treat! She has a very active little tongue and loved licking the cone until she realized that if she kept her tongue out and leaned over to the railing on the other side of her she could easily lick that to. I just have to say that Dairy Queen is the most classy place to give shoulder rubs and make out, especially when its busy and there are a lot of kids around... Just saying...

And the last stop was to our favorite place ever (insert rolling of eyes and sarcasm), Walmart. We got Easter eggs for an egg hunt with friends tomorrow. As we were walking out I ran into a lady from church and was chit chatting. Ellie had my keys and managed to push the alarm. Not only did she start laughing but she started laughing hysterically! As I grab the keys from her to try to shut the darn thing off she starts waving, while she is laughing and drawing more attention to us. Thank you Ellenor for keeping me on my toes and giving me a good laugh. 

Although it has been a rough past few weeks, especially days, time alone with Ellie was just what I needed. I love that she is so friendly and nice to everyone she meets. I love her sense of humor, I would put my hand in between her tongue and the railing and she would just lick me and then pull away and laugh. I love that she constantly talks while walking through the store, we do get some funny looks but I love our conversations. I love that she notices people I don't and waves, especially the ones who look like they need a friendly smile.

I'm writing this because today was a great day with just me and my girl, something I only have a few months left to do and I am trying to soak up as much time as I can. Also because I know in 15 years she will probably not want anything to do with me. 

I love reading blogs. Part of my morning routine while laying in bed is reading the daily blogs and snuggling with miss Ellie. What I love most about it is how open these women are with their lives and their opinions. I can honestly say that I am not that way. I fear of writing what I really want because it might offend people or make them look at me in a different light. I also have a hard time writing down my struggles, not because I am pretending to be someone I'm not but because its hard to admit I was wrong and made mistakes. It's a tough pill to swallow. 

I’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks more than usual. School has been one that I’ve been having trouble with. I used to never try and only do the minimum required to get a C in any class but most importantly I didn’t care about grades. Since I’ve met Cody he has pushed me to get the best grades possible and really encouraged me that I could do great if I applied myself. 

A few weeks ago I took a test and got a 70%, it was a huge blow! I had spent so much time and thought I really understood the material. I had a meltdown and I am pretty sure I scared Cody with how much really came out all at once. I have been tempted to quit this semester and not finish. I feel like I need as much time with Ellenor as possible before this baby comes. I feel like I am not giving 100% effort in anything I’m doing.

September 2010, Our first anniversary and 20 lbs heavier than on our wedding day. One of the only pictures I have from the summer/fall 2010 and I only have one that is a full body shot, mostly just face.

Part of the melt down was stressing about weight and being able to lose it after this baby is here. I found a picture of me in October 2010 of me at over 200 pounds, the only one I have. I look miserable and disgusting, it’s sad to see. I knew that I want to run after this baby comes but that’s going to be extremely hard during the summer with Cody at work and a newborn. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to lose the baby weight and get back to 200 pounds. We talked about it, after crying for a good long time, and decided to get a treadmill. At that point I had already gained over ten pounds and was not even half way through this pregnancy. Last week when I went to doctors I had gained another six pounds in one month.

It’s been really tough. I had been eating better and exercising and I still gained a lot of weight. In a few weeks I have the gestational diabetes test and it has been stressing me out. Both of my sisters have had it and I am scared. With Ellenor I failed the first test and had to do a three hour test. I just barely missed the mark and I don’t want it to be that close again. At my last appointment my doctor mentioned it and since then I've been keeping close track of everything I eat and logging it.

Nov 2012- The day after we found out we were pregnant, such a difference in my face!

This pregnancy is already a lot different than from when I was pregnant with Ellie. I thought I was cute and pregnant but I knew I wasn't showing very much because I already had a lot of extra weight. With this one it seems like its all baby and I am loving it! I love being able to know exactly where she is and when Cody rubs my belly I know its her he is feeling and not just a ton of fat. With Ellie it seemed by stomach was huge and this time its one concentrated area. I've been using my treadmill everyday and it is so hard to only walk on it not run. 

6 months! Left:Ellenor Right:Little Sister!

 With Ellie I wore plus sized clothes my mom had given me from her closet. With this one I am still able to wear a lot of regular shirts, size large and extra large! I put on shorts yesterday and had to laugh. When I had just found out I was pregnant with Ellie those shorts didn't fit because of my size. This summer they were way too big and yesterday they just fit a little snug at six months pregnant. 

It feels good to be honest and open. Definitely scary, but good. I love being pregnant but am very scared of gaining a lot more weight and having diabetes. I am not as scared about losing it afterwards because having a treadmill will make it a lot easier than trying to work around Cody's schedule and the weather. It may not seem like that big of a difference between the two pregnancies but it is. I feel so much better and exercising everyday definitely helps that.

The first week of March Cody had a work trip in Vegas and me and Ellie decided to go play in Utah! It was my sisters last week of maternity leave and we had a blast! We laid low for the most part and it was just the break we needed this winter.

We played at the park, took the kids to the play place at the mall, went to a paleontology museum, saw my brother and grandparents, and I even joined my sister and her neighbor in an intense Zumba workout (I'm still pricing them for after baby because they were amazing!).

Ellie learned that she loves slides, doesn't like waiting her turn, and LoVES dogs especially when they just sit and let you pet them. I learned that I am glad I don't have a boy, my nephew is three months older than Ellie and absolutely fearless. It was great seeing my brother, he's so busy with school but its always my favorite to see how much these kids love him. And grandma and grandpa... They put up with so much and these kids love them! They even still like us when the kids hide and lose their remotes. And Jen, she really is supermom. She is amazing and loves her kids so much, it's so fun to watch her interact with her new baby and switch right into playing with her 7 year old. She's so strong and it amazes me how incredible she is (especially because she was not the nicest big sister growing up and kind of scared me :))

Today was an interesting day. It seemed like every time I was out of eye sight Ellie was screaming. Every time she bonked her head or got stuck she screamed. I swear she screamed at everything and wanted me to be constantly holding her. I was getting frustrated with everyone else when they would do something to her, like start teasing her because she was being extra sensitive. And I was getting upset that she was being so sensitive. Even when we took her to the park to play with her cousins she wouldn't walk and just wanted to be held. She was really starting to make me mad because she wasn't being herself.

And then she threw up and I felt like the worst mom in the world. I should have been able to read the signs better. I thought she was wanting to be held at the park because she fell and hit her knees. I thought she was being cuddly because she had taken odd naps. We got back to the house, gave her a bath, and cried. Ever have those moments? The "I have failed as a mom today and the only thing I can do is cry" moment.

This girl is absolutely sweet. And today I felt awful that she was stuck with a mom like me. I'm glad tomorrow is a new day , hopefully with a good nights rest tonight, we get to start over. Hopefully she will be feeling better but I get to focus more of my attention on being a better parent and listening instead of assuming so I don't have a repeat of today.

  
15 Lessons I've Learned from my 15 Month Old



Always wake up happy. It’s a new day with a fresh start, you get to make it anything you want. Why not start it off right?!

There's no use in fighting a nap, if your tired then sleep! Ellenor is amazing with nap times and usually bed time. I ask her if she is ready for a nap and she walks straight to the counter where her pacifier is. If I don’t ask she will usually walk into her room and tap on her crib until I come.

Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and laugh. 

Everyone deserves to see you smile, even if you don't think they deserve it or don’t feel like you can. You never know when a simple smile will turn someone’s day around and its painless and free.

Kissing random things isn't always a bad thing, be grateful for the simple things every day.

Cleaning can be fun, especially when you have a little helper. Not to mention it makes you feel great to sit in a freshly clean room to play.

Learning and organizing can be fun to. I get to learn when Ellie is asleep but over the last few weeks I have noticed that I don’t give her the opportunities to learn in different ways. She loves to match shapes and color with crayons. But sometimes dumping out the crayons and reorganizing them is more fun.

Staying mad for a long time is pointless. I love that kids forgive so easily. I can tell her no, she throws a fit on the floor, we talk about why to not get into something and move on to a new activity. 
There is no point in postponing solving the issue, take care of it then and there and be done.

Being outside can be healing and therapeutic. We are loving this 40 degree weather we have had the past week. Any chance we get we go outside. Yesterday was not a very good day for me, I got a terrible grade on a test that I had put so much effort into. We decided to go for a walk and what a difference that made. Even just playing in the yard or walking to the mailbox is good.

Doing something you love repeatedly isn’t necessarily bad. Whether it is reading your favorite book or movie, or in Ellie’s case dumping out the Costco size of animal crackers over and over again, it’s ok. If it is something you enjoy and makes you happy then what is the harm? Especially if it takes two seconds to vacuum up.

Getting dressed first thing in the morning makes you have a better attitude. I notice such a big difference when I get Ellie dressed in the morning instead of after her first nap, she is much more happy. Getting up and getting ready for the day first thing makes you feel like at least you’ve accomplished something and usually helps me have a better attitude throughout the day.

Random kisses never hurt anyone. Letting someone know you care or are thinking about them never hurt anyone. Ellie has started randomly giving kisses throughout the day and I am loving it. It reminds me to always let the people I care about know that.

Sometimes you just need to relax and snuggle and that's ok.

It’s ok to throw in the towel and ask for help. When Ellenor is done eating she will usually throw her silverware on the floor before she says she’s done and needs help getting out. It’s ok to admit your overwhelmed or just need a moment and need help. I sometimes have a hard time asking Cody to play with Ellie for a few minutes because I need to breath but its ok.

Make anything your doing fun. Cody taught Ellie how to take her diaper and throw it away a few weeks ago. She gets so excited to throw them away even if they are absolutely disgusting. No matter what we are doing we can make it fun, like a game, or even just rewarding.

I usually hate alone time, especially on Sundays. But today I am loving it! Ellie is sound asleep and Cody is at a scouting court of honor. I borrowed Phantom of the Opera from a friend last week and I am finally getting the chance to finish it. And blog...

Last weekend we sold Cody's bike. It was tough, at least for me. It has been nice to have something that he looks forward to and enjoys. If the weather was nice I could just assume that he would want to go for a ride and have relaxing time alone, something I know is necessary for sanity. Riding it was a rush that can't be described. Yes I did worry about him on occasion but rarely did I worry when he was riding out here in the country, there's a lot less traffic. We both felt that it was necessary to sell it and to not be in any kind of unnecessary debt.

A few weeks ago we went to look at houses in hopes of being able to see what was available and get a better idea of what we were wanting in a house. Burley is an older community with slim pickings in the house department. We found one that we liked but before we had a chance to even consider it it was sold! As much as we would like to be in a house of our own with more space I think it is safe to say that we are content with where we are currently at. We have a list of must haves, like a two car garage, a yard with space for a garden, decent square footage (I swear some of the houses were the size of our college apartment!) and not being so close to the neighbors that you can stick your hand out the window and knock on your neighbors window. It amazes me what condition of homes some people live in and the condition they leave them in. When we first started talking about just looking for fun I was so set on having a house before this baby is born but the more we look the more I like where we are at. We have an amazing yard, amazing rent, a lot of HUGE windows, and the best part is a garden the size of a drive way. I have decided that IF we found a house I can't move until fall when we have picked everything from our garden. It's funny because when I think of this summer and fun activities to do outside with Ellie they all revolve around this house.

Ellenor is getting to be such a little kid and is hilarious to watch. I swear having a kid is the best form of entertainment there is. She loves to dance and climb on everything. She thinks her giant teddy bear will protect her from getting tickled by Cody when he comes home and runs to it whenever I make her a snack or bottle. She loves to read, we read each book at least once a day and if I am lucky she will only want to read the first page before moving on to the next book. The little stinker won't eat and I am hoping it will get better after this bug passes. She will only eat mandarin oranges, scrambled eggs, pancakes, string chess, and if we are really lucky she will eat rice. We think she has what Cody had last week. We weren't going to get anything for Easter but while at Barnes and Noble the other night getting a book for my class I had money left over on my gift card and Ellie found a bunny that she would not let go of. She has carried that thing around for two days straight and is loving it.

Today at church Cody had Ellie out in the hall because she was starting to get loud and upset. She must have been doing better because I look over and see her running with her mouth opened wide, tongue sticking out, running with two doors stops in her hand and laughing. It didn't take long for Cody to catch her but it sure was a funny sight to see. I am really loving this age she is at. She loves to make a mess of the kitchen an rearrange everything but she is also very helpful. Cody taught her how to throw her diaper away and we love it, she gets mad when I don't let her help me put dishes away, and she loves to hide everything in Cody's pajama drawer. She will grab your Han and show you what she wants and is constantly trying to play ring around the rosies. She is obsessed with the movie Brother Bear and laughs and growls through the entire thing. Any animal sound is a growl except cats and sometimes it's just a laugh at me making the noise, like pigs.

Cody was sick last week for a few days but is feeling better except we think he gave it to poor Ellie. He works so hard and is still the best father and husband. He. comes home from a long day at work and helps me finish making dinner, if not makes it by himself, plays with Ellie, helps give her a bath and put her to bed and still makes time for me. Spring is a busy time at work and its going to be even crazier because they just hired another guy to train. I am excited though because he gets 3 weeks of paid vacation this year to use so he can take a day off here and there.

This week has been a roller coaster I emotions. Between not the most comforting news on Tuesday at my doctors appointment to plans completely falling through to tests and essays and other big homework assignments. To top it all off we haven't been sleeping the best at night and I have been gone every night this week. Oh yea, the whole pregnancy hormones adds to it to.

This morning I was stressed to say the least. Completely overwhelmed would be more accurate. I had a two page essay and my first major test due before midnight and I had to be in town by 6. This morning I was a little mad about the fact that valentines wasn't anything special. We don't usually celebrate with anything big but we are on a budget and we've spent the allotment for the month to play. I was disappointed because we won't be celebrating my birthday with anything besides maybe a cake because we will have a brand new baby, hopefully.

Cody being the amazing man that he is only worked a half day and came home at lunch to watch Ellie for the afternoon so I could get homework done. I got home about 8 and we put Ellie to bed. Cody said he had something for me, I'm thinking to myself "it's 8:45 and your going outside to your pick up, what is it?!" He pulls out his lap top and he has written me 23 reasons why he loves me. (i was on the phone giving my dad ideas for valentines day ideas for my mom, she teaches piano until 8pm on Thursdays and they go out to eat almost every weekend so the idea was to write down 30 reasons why he loves her because this is their 30th valentines day together. Cody overheard and loved the idea!) I was a complete mess! Everything from this week came out and I was bawling. And because he knows me so well brought me a treat of powdered donuts and orange soda! (I always ask if we can get them but never do because we don't need them).

Although its been a disaster of a week, not everything this week has been bad just a lot more than usual, I am grateful for an amazing husband who pays attention to my needs and takes care of me. I am so grateful for Cody because he is aware of what is going on and is actively involved whenever he is home. He recognizes the little things that I do to try and make our home comfortable and a happy place to be. He notices things that are just habit to me and loves me for my quirks and despite my bad temper at times. Forget the chocolates, treats, and flowers, being told you are loved and that you are noticed was all I needed to make this week turn a complete 180.